I can’t stand to be unhealthy any longer.

Well, look at that.  I’m writing a blog post!  I actually have something positive and substantial to write about, too :).

So, last Wednesday night, I was wearing a big ole red t-shirt.  Looked at myself in the mirror, and finally, honestly decided that I’m tired of being unhealthy and unattractive.  So a few hours later, I lugged the exercise bike into my room.  Can’t really ignore it there, can I?  I should post a picture of my new, under-construction room.  Next step is to paint the darn thing.  And convince someone to insulate the room on the other side of the wall!  I’m not joking when I say that my room is 55 degrees in the winter…I’ve got a thermometer in it :).

The cold is what keeps me from hopping out of bed in the morning.  It’s unpleasant when I first get on the bike.  But when I get going, 10 minutes in, it’s not cold at all.  In fact, it’s about right.

Really wanted to start out on Thursday because I was pumped and ready to go, but I had work piled on top of more homework, and to top it off, there was static on the phone lines causing the Internet to basically die for two hours.  Almost left to go to Laura’s to use her computer.  ANYway…

I put together an exercise playlist from a bunch of Josh Homme music.  The driving, relentless beats of Kyuss are good for endurance runs, when I crank up the resistance on the bike.  And I was listening to Kyuss when I made the decision to exercise in the first place.  “Green Machine”, I think.  Good music to exercise to if you’re trying to get out your anger!

Hey, I didn’t even think about that!  I should hop on the bike when I get angry…it’s better than what I do now to deal with anger (nothing).

Also, faster songs like Them Crooked Vultures’ “Dead End Friends” and “Mind Eraser” are good for pushing me to pedal faster.  Really, I don’t even notice that I’m working harder when a faster song comes on.  Lots of QOTSA’s stuff is good for moderate exercise.  Nothing gets you going like “Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol…c-c-c-cocaine!” :D.

But, seriously…I’m proud of myself for sticking with it for three days.  Yeah, that’s not much, I know, but I need to keep reassuring myself that I’m doing well.  Last time I tried to start exercising, it lasted for two days.  One day, I listened to some of Neil Gaiman’s American Gods audiobook.  (It’s really good, by the way–the narrator does a good Slavic accent.  I’m only up to the part where the main characters visit Czernobog and the three sisters…I’ve read farther in the book, but I decided to take it at a slower pace to enjoy it more.  [That’s what she said.]  Oh, shut up.)  The next day, I watched an episode of Farscape.  Now, that was an okay idea, because you can tell when the commercial breaks happen, and at the final break, it’s time for a cool-down while the last few minutes of the show happen.  But I think I work harder with music.

The least pleasant part of it all is the darn hard bike seat.  First day, it was uncomfortable.  Second, I felt kinda sore.  Today, I’m on fire.  Bleh.  I need to find a nice, squishy seat :).

As for a diet…well, it’s not a diet.  I’m planning to eat 1500 calories per day.  So far, I’ve gone way under and still been satisfied.  The key for me is to measure my portions.  Luckily, there’s a head-shop scale lying around that works perfectly.  And I can work a measuring spoon like nobody’s business :D.  For the past few months, I’ve been eating less as it is.  Hopefully the exercise will push me out of my 5-7 pound range and have me losing weight–no, body fat.

I don’t know what my percentage is, but I do know I’ve got some muscle on me from lugging this body around for 20 years.  I used to love weight training in high school, because I wrote down my progress and could see the results.  Started out with, like, 50 pounds on the hamstring machine.  At the end of the semester, I was up to 120.  So, I’ve taken a page from good ole Mr. Bradshaw’s book and am writing my progress down: food intake, weight, exercise, and notes on how I feel physically and mentally.  I even decided to use a fancy book.  I just hate to start writing in a book and leave it unfinished.  So there’s some more motivation for me :).

I’m feeling happier with myself already.  This time, I made the decision.  No well-intentioned but unpleasant “wow, put on a few pounds?” from Dad.  (And, no, Dad, I actually have been the same weight for at least 2 years.  Where have you been?)  I want this to be 100% my idea.  No barging in from Dad.  That’ll just make me want to not exercise.

Ooh, and I found out from here that playing the guitar gives a little workout.  200 calories an hour ain’t bad.  I could really stand to work on my rhythm.  Also, been playing Guitar Hero lately, and every time I play it, I can feel my forearms getting buffer.  For some reason, I love being strong.  My legs are weaker than they used to be, but I keep my guns loaded.  (That sounded kinda weird, don’t you think?)  When your dad secretly tries to make you a boy by having you haul really heavy stuff around the house, you build up a little muscle.

Yeah, I hate that.  Bo and I were talking the other day about how Dad tries to make me into a boy.  I hate it.  No amount of dragon t-shirts or men’s leather jackets are ever going to find their way onto my body.  Maybe if I’m coloring someone’s hair…but even when I exercise I don’t like to look like a total slob.  I feel better about myself when I make an effort.

And a huge motivation for me is the CLOTHING!  Ahhh…I see so many things I’d love to wear, but I’m just a bit too big for them.  Bo said something to me about how he knows people who are a lot bigger than me and dress way better than I do.  But when you’re too small for plus size clothes and too big for normal clothes, it’s hard to find things.

I can’t wait to be able to just walk into a store and buy an article of clothing that isn’t a scarf or a pair of shoes.  Accessories are my large self’s best friend…but I’d love to wear whatever I want.  I see how far Bo has come, and it’s really inspiring.  I honestly don’t think I’d be as driven to get in shape if he hadn’t done it first.  But he does pressure me to eat a pint of ice cream when all I want is half a cup…but I guess that comes down to your past and how much ice cream you ate in the past.  I’ve never been one to eat a lot of it.

So, to sum it up, the keys to my success are going to be: smaller plates and bowls, measuring out servings, lots of filling, low-cal vegetables, keeping my interest in exercise through music and diversity (hopefully we’ll be able to get the treadmill back from Grandma’s house), and the thought that I’ll be able to shop wherever I want and look good in it.

Geez, I sure wrote a lot.  I’m not really planning to keep blogging about my exercise progress, since I’ve already got a pen-and-paper log, as well as introplay.com and another calorie and exercise site.  But if I feel like it, I’ll update.  The whole idea feels right.  I’m ready and I know I can do it.

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